Do Surrogates Have a Say in Their Journey? My Surrogacy story
As a Surrogate Ambassador, I share my Surrogacy story with many people who are surprised to hear that I had a lot of say in my journey. Yes, we are carrying someone else’s baby, but we still have a choice in what we do with our bodies.
When I first started looking into surrogacy, one of my questions was, “Do I get to choose who to carry for?” A friend told me it couldn’t hurt to ask, so I did! When I inquired with my agency, I asked if I could carry for Intended Parents within the LGBTQ+ community, and without hesitation, they said yes. I’m not sure why that answer was so unexpected, but it gave me the confidence to continue to pursue surrogacy for reasons I held close to my heart. I asked that my agency would give an LGBTQ+ person or couple “first dibs” on my body because I recognize the discrimination that the community may face while exploring adoption or surrogacy. Instead of allowing them to suffer another heartbreak hoping to be accepted, I made it known they were a priority, and the agency honored that request.
When it came time for the matching process, I was told there was a same-sex male couple in mind for me based off my preferences, so I read through their profile and agreed to a Skype call. It almost sounds too good to be true, but we had an instant connection and immediately following that call, both parties agreed to be matched with each other. I felt incredibly empowered to be able to be in control of my journey this early on, which resulted in a solid relationship with my intended parents and my agency.
Major decisions in my surrogacy story regarding my birth plan were up to me and my intended parents, but they allowed me to take the lead. I chose to have a planned c-section because I had only ever delivered through c-section, and they were happy with that decision because it made planning for the birth a little easier. I was given the choice to have my husband by my side during the delivery, but because they don’t allow too many people in the Operating Room, I made sure both Dads were there. The anesthesiologist ended up inviting my husband to stay, making my final moments of surrogacy a literal dream come true. I also chose to have my Intended Parents experience the birth of their child as if they were the ones who delivered him. This meant they were to cut the umbilical cord, be the first ones to hold their baby, and have skin to skin contact with him, which is exactly what happened.
Looking back, I had almost as much say in my surrogacy story as I did with my own children, and in some areas, I had even more control. Surrogacy is a service you are providing to someone, but that doesn’t mean you have to agree to anything you don’t feel comfortable with. The best way to ensure a positive outcome for you and your intended parents is to vocalize your beliefs, preferences, questions, and concerns with your agency upon applying to become a surrogate.